Should you take your teens device as punishment?

I often write about 2 separate age groups – preschool to end of primary school and highschool kids.  Before I start, I want to make it clear that I am specifically referring to highschool age kids in this article.

I’m going to share 5 points about why I think need to reconsider using removing a teen’s device from them as a form of punishment.

1 Think back to how you socialised when you were in high school.  Meet ups after school, sporting events, parties, weekend get togethers, phone calls etc etc.  

Now consider how teens socialise today.  Yep.  On their phones (or similar devices).  Via social media platforms, online game chats etc etc.  

My point – teens today do not socialise the same way we did and we need to recognise that.

2 Our teens are experiencing (have experienced) an entirely different upbringing to us.

We spent time in the streets playing with neighbourhood kids.

Our kids on the other hand have, at some point, been given a device to hold.  This might have happened when they were quite little and we needed one moment’s peace in which to magic up dinner.  

The fact is, our teens have had internet enabled devices introduced to them as part of their life.  They game on them, they create videos on them, they read on them, they create digital art, they communicate with others they shop and then they do their banking on them.

Different to our growing up experiences, right?

3 There are times when our teens are using a device that we (parents) become frustrated.  We have all been there. We ask our teen to do something and they continue to use the device.  We come back later to see if the job is done – nope, still on their device.

Stop and think.  

Did we give them guidelines and boundaries for their device when we gave it to them?  Did we specifically discuss and agree on how they would react when we approached them to help out when they were on their device?

We need to take some responsibility for how they are using their devices if we haven’t discussed it or modelled it.

4 Dopamine.  The feel good chemical in our brains that is provided by the screens our teens are looking at.  

Fact – developers of devices, apps and games want users to stay on their devices and platforms for as long as possible.  Everything is designed to release a hit of dopamine at just the right time so that we continue to use it.  

We need to recognise that this is one of the reasons our teens find it difficult to just put their screen down.  They are waiting and looking for the next feel good moment.

5 Parents need to discuss and include consequences on their Family Technology contract.  

My best advice is to try and use Natural Consequences.  

For example:  If it was your teen’s turn to put away everything in the dishwasher and they didn’t do it, then they will do it for the rest of the week.  If it was agreed that they could use their device for 2 hours per day but they have been using it for 2.5 hours, then their daily screen time drops to 1.5 hours for the next week.

Finding your teens ‘currency’ is also an option when it comes to punishment.  If they love going to their local cafe on a Saturday morning, then perhaps the punishment is that they don’t go for 2 weeks.

We don’t want to remove their social connection to others and we don’t want them to feel like we will take their device away at the drop of a hat.  

If they believe that we will dive in and take their device for any reason, I can almost guarantee that when when your teen starts getting bullied online, finds themselves in over their heads with online communication with a stranger or see’s something online that makes them feel uncomfortable that they WON’T be bring the device or the problem to you because they think you will take their device off them.  

That is not what we are aiming for.

I’m actually not sure how to round up this post!  Maybe you completely and utterly disagree?  I just hope you consider these 5 points before using the removal of devices as a one-stop method to punish your teens.